Russian goes for eye check up

A Russian went for an eye check up.

The Doctor showed him letters on the board.

CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this?

Russian: Read?? I even know the guy..., he is my  cousin

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Message from my doctor

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

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Anyone who lies

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

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Give them a bill

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. 

Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills.
When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

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Why The Pill Makes Girls Crazy…

To be fair it sounds like a dream situation. You just take a tiny pill every day and you can ride circles around you without any worries that you are going to get pregnant. Well the facts are that it’s just not that simple. Ask any girl honestly and she will tell you that the pill makes you a complete crazy person.Here are 10 reasons why the pill is the devil in disguise.

1.It Can Kill Your Sex Drive..
In a bizarre and strange turn of events, the pill can actually make you not want to have sex.


2.It Can Cause Blood Clots…
According to studies you are twice as likely to develop blood clots if you are on the pill.


3.It Makes Your Boobs Sore…
Lots of people say that their boobs feel sore when there’re on the pill.


4.It Makes You Gain Weight…
If you gain a stone some of it will go to your boobs but the rest is just so annoying…


5.It Makes You Completely Paranoid…
There’s something about the pill that just makes you suddenly think your Boyfriend is very shady indeed. Suddenly he’s not so sweet in your eyes.. He’s annoying you: he shouldn’t want to go on lad’s nights out and he should text you continuously throughout the day and not doing so is definite cause for argument… or tears, or both.


6.It Attracts You To Shitty Guys…
The geniuses in New Scientist  say that women have this natural attraction kind of thing that basically picks them decent mates. When you’re on the pill, your hormones are all mixed up and unnatural so you can’t distinguish as clearly between a decent man and a dickhead.



7.Tears Can Free Flow At Any Stage…
A puppy, some one on the street begging, an Oxfam ad on TV, all things to sympathize with normally but everyone knows that when they’re on the pill those tears can flow so much easier..


8.Mood Swings…
One minute it’s all fine, the next it Quite Simply is NOT. Blame it on the pill…


9.You Can Still Get STDs…
Getting pregnant is one thing you’re covered for but you are open and vulnerable to a whole other world of crap. For a full list look >here<


10.Nausea…
When you start the pill for the first month or so you can feel nauseas and weird for no reason at all. Upset stomachs also happen..
Of course if you come off the pill it takes months to get out of your system so you can be all sorts of mental for a while longer, whether you like it or not..
On the other hand condoms are all sorts of buzz killers.. so we just don’t know.
*Takes pill and purveys male talent in bars…

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COMING SOON; SMARTPHONES WITH WIRELESS CHARGING

Visitors use their mobile phones’ cameras during the 2015 Mobile World Congress (MWC) in Barcelona on March 5, 2015. Tech companies showcased countless connected gadgets at the world’s biggest wireless telecom fair, the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona, which wrapped up today. AFP PHOTO

By AFP “Got a phone charger you can lend me? No, I need the new type… Oh, forget it.”
To ease the stress of a dying mobile phone battery and the hassle of bundling wires into your bag, designers are hoping to make 2015 the year of the wireless charger.
Companies at the Mobile World Congress, a top telecom fair which wrapped up on Thursday in Barcelona, Spain, promised that soon you will just place your phone on a table or lamp stand for it to absorb electricity through a wireless surface.
South Korean giant Samsung included wireless charging capability in its new flagship smartphone, the Galaxy S6, unveiled on March 1 in Barcelona.
Swedish furniture-maker Ikea meanwhile announced a line of bedside tables, lamps and desks equipped with wireless charging spots to be launched in Europe and North America in the coming weeks.
“This is probably the year of the wireless charger,” said Kevin Curran, a senior member of the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers, ahead of the mobile fair. “A lot of the top-end phones now by default are coming with a wireless charger. You just have to put the phone onto a mat or onto a stand.”
If a phone has a wireless charging receptor, just placing it over the charging pad on one of these items will transfer power to it. The piece of furniture itself is not wireless, drawing its power from the mains, but no wire is needed to plug into the phone.
STANDARD ADAPTERS
Different rival technologies for wireless charging have emerged over recent years. For their devices, Samsung and Ikea opted for the Qi standard — a system developed by the Wireless Power Consortium, an alliance of some 200 different companies founded in 2008.
The Qi consortium claims its standard is the most widely used in the world with charging points in 3,000 hotels, restaurants, airports and public spaces. It says its system can be used in 80 models of mobile phone and various types of car.
The product announcements at the Barcelona show “will allow a big step forward,” eventually freeing users of cumbersome charging wires, said Inge Tauber of the German company L&P Automotive, part of the Qi project.
“People have no need to fear that their chargers will become obsolete, because these bases will be compatible with the new generations of smartphone.”
Even smartphones that were not made with a wireless charging receptor can be fitted with adaptors in the form of an outer case or other minor accessory costing from about €10 (US$11).
WIRELESS CHARGING RACE
Qi is competing with two other standards, PMA and A4WP, which between them group some 200 other telecom, computing and electronics firms. The PMA and A4WP camps will merge in mid-2015 “to accelerate the growth of this nascent market,” they said in a statement.
Tauber denied this competition would hold back the industry from developing a common standard for compatible charging pads. She reckoned it would drive it towards a “homogenous standard”.
Makers of smartphones have so far failed to find a common standard for any kind of charger, despite attempts such as the European Union’s bid to impose universal chargers by 2016.
Analysts said it was tricky to estimate the potential value of the market for wireless chargers.
The Wireless Power Consortium estimates that 50 million chargers were sold in 2014. According to technology consultancy Gartner, in that year consumers bought 1.8 billion handsets — which typically come with a charger included.
“In the next few years they will all have wireless chargers in-built,” Curran said

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PHOTOS OF CHRIS BROWN’S BABY MOTHER NIA HIT THE INTERNET!

Shortly after the news hit, a man claiming to be the 9-month-old girls father under the name of @royalty_yaye_bah on Instagram reached out and says that he has been living a lie this whole entire time.
He posted–


The so-called father had tons of pictures up of the 9-month-old baby girl but the entire account has since then been DELETED.
While others may not believe this crazy news, 3 days ago Chris Breezy’s girlfriend Karreuche Tran tweeted to her fans asking if they knew who Nia was…keep in mind this was waaaay before we even knew of this baby news.
Karreuche quickly deleted her tweet but a fan ended up catching it on the spot. NOW we understand it all…
Okay what’s REALLY going on here? The mess gets even better though….

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PRIVATE PHOTOS OF A POOL PARTY HELD IN LAGOS! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO MISS THIS!

PRIVATE PHOTOS OF A POOL PARTY HELD IN LAGOS! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO MISS THIS!

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AFRICAN LADIES THAT WILL ALWAYS GET MEN STANDING UP! SO S8XY, MADE IN AFRICA! PHOTOS

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Simple MISTAKE causes RUTO to suffer at beyond Zero. Who is to BLAME?

Deputy President William Ruto was forced to run for the whole 21 kilometers yesterday in support of President Uhuru Kenyatta’s wife, Margret’s Beyond Zero Half Marathon, to raise money to buy mobile clinics for all the 47 counties to reduce maternal deaths beyond zero.
The Deputy President, adorning Beyond Zero jazzy number 26999, was meant to do only ten kilometers since he had not practiced well for the exasperating and tedious marathon, but found himself doing the whole 21 kilometers after he lost track and direction.
His aides and security, who were running alongside him  just in case of any eventually, could not help him locate the direction for the 10km race because they didn’t know the route well.
By the time Ruto realized he was on the wrong route, he had done 12 kilometers already and he could not go back. He forced himself to complete the whole 21kms which he had not prepared or signed for.
“I was to do 10km but lost the route and my boys didn’t know the direction either and by the time I realized, I had done 12km already and just decided to finish the whole 21km,” Ruto told journalists.
The Deputy President reached the finishing line looking like he had walked across the Sahara Desert – tired, sweaty, dirty and panting

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