A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her
first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down
and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little
discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The
gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice,
she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she
even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over
at the
dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern
voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile
came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel
the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder
and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled,
"Dammit, Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few
minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't
even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle
blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shi-ts on you!"
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen
listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the
living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons
of bi-tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last
stop! And all of you sons of bi-tches who are getting on, get your ass-es
in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts
and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now
I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use
nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and
resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother
heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train,
please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you
for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope
you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue,
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand
luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We
hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As
the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bi-tch in the
kitchen."
On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He
hears his mom call his dad a ba-stard and hears his dad call his mom a
bi-tch. He asks, "Mommy, what does ba-stard mean?" She answers, "Um, it
means boy." Then he asks, "Daddy, what does bi-tch mean?" He says, "Uh,
it means girl." Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom
shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, "Sh-it." The son
asks, "What does sh-it mean?" The dad says, "It means shaving cream."
Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally
cuts herself and says, "F*ck." The son asks her what that word means
and she says, "It means carving." That evening, the family's guests
arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them
and says, "Welcome bi-tches and ba-stards! My dad is in the bathroom
rubbing sh-it on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the
turkey."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,
"Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made
babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the
same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to
become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You
lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her
side of the family."
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car,
someone stole it. The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did
it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife
says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12
bucks, here is six, now get out!"
A boy walks in on his mom and dad having s3x. He asks, "What are you
doing?" The dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" The boy says,
"Well, do her doggy style I want a puppy.
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting.
Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After
dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh,
nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s
gone."
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to
Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter
because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and
China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."
